If you were wondering, no, I am not talking about my height (but I’m pretty sure I am the smallest of the sisters in formation hahaha).
I just entered postulancy about two months ago. There have been many things to adjust to like sharing one bathroom with three other women, wearing the same outfit every day (and keeping it clean), eating meals at the same time as the whole community, the prayer schedule, and living in a convent with Sisters! With a total of fourteen women in the house, it is a challenge, but one that is filled with joy! I had anticipated many of these changes, but one in particular was totally unexpected: the adjustment of being the “little sister.”
In my almost 24 years of life, I have been accustomed to being the oldest or the older one in both my family and among friends. I have several people I look up to and confide in, but I have never been involuntarily the “younger sister.” I am the youngest in the convent, and I didn’t realize it for a while. It came to light one day when false thoughts about my sisters were storming my mind. In my weakness, I became sensitive and broke down crying. Why was I crying over such trivial things that weren’t true? In this moment, Jesus revealed two things: 1) I have control issues and 2) I am the youngest.
As for control issues, I will always have them so I was grateful that Jesus was showing me how to grow in trust even more. But as for being the youngest, this was new to me. My sisters affectionately treat me as the “baby sister,” but I did not want this, yet God has placed me here right now as the “little sister.” What does this even mean? Why is this even important? Taking this to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, He told me I need to live out being the “little sister” of the family which means I need to learn how to be the “little sister.”
So for the past two months, this has been a great challenge so far, but truly a gift. Each day as I learn to be the “little sister,” I grow in charity towards God and towards others, especially my sisters. I am learning to be the “little sister” who serves her older sisters (postulants and novices) and listens to them, and the “little daughter” who serves and listens to her mothers (professed Sisters). Yet, I am also learning to receive and accept the acts of charity of my Sisters when they desire to serve me and sacrifice for me as their “little sister” or “little daughter” (or when they occasionally want to spoil me!).
I am growing to be “little.” That’s the paradox of the Gospel. “He must increase; I must decrease” (John 3:30). If I desire to be full of Love, I must give myself entirely to Jesus. This doesn’t happen overnight. It will be a gradual change, a gradual decrease of self, but an increase in Jesus Christ. It is in the small daily things that God calls me to great fidelity, humility, and charity. It is in my littleness that I will grow in love for my Father, for His Son, and for the Holy Spirit. All I have is a small, poor love to give to God, but it is enough for Him because He only asks that I freely give Him everything.
Please pray for me as I continue to discern God’s will, and please pray for my sisters in formation: Marianne, Michelle, Yve, Sr. April Marie, Sr. Ines, and Sr. Katie.
“Miss no single opportunity of making some small sacrifice, here by a smiling look, there by a kindly word; always doing the smallest right and doing it all for love.” –St. Thérèse de Lisieux
Fiat voluntas Tua